Self Improvement

OMG- Death Valley half marathon = one month away.

So, I had an interesting period of time- roughly one month where I: ate too much, drank too much wine, and exercised too little. I slept a lot, nursed the kids through the H1N1, unpacked boxes, sorted through stuff to give away, and got back in touch with creating art on a daily basis.

I also got fat and out of shape. Given that I was running 30-50 miles a week a month ago- I figure I should spring back. This morning was harsh- uphill trails post flu.

I also realized that my skin and hair were looking like crap. I have lost a HUGE amount of hair- due to stress, eating too little fat, losing more weight and dieting against medical advice (I was very, very lean when I decided to lose more weight against the advice of my doctor and the nutritionist) - this was fifteen pounds ago, and not sleeping.

More recently, I was advised to back off the training some, to eat more calories, and to then return to maximizing my leaness and training time.

So, here is where I am today:

1) I need to lose 10-15 pounds- I am going back to my "healthy" lean body that I hated so much 9 months ago. It is my healthiest weight and body composition.

2) I am knocking off the red wine. Crappy way to deal with stress.

3) I am meditating daily and art journaling daily

4) I am back to running- but probably won't be putting in 50-miles a week again except for right before Austin. That was over training in a huge way for half marathon.

5) I am combining my weight loss and training efforts with a focus on being healthy- not more having my hair fall out because I am being dumb about this whole approach

6) Staying focused on having healthy relationships and communications in my daily life

7) Expressing gratitude for the gifts I receive even in difficult times

8) Honoring the joy that is having my two girls- I am so thrilled to be a Mom to the Commander and LaLa Bean

9) To not let other people's crankiness and depression and anger permeate my psyched - and risk loss by walking away and saying "no more"

10) Keeping open and flexible to what may be...

And there has to be an "11" - to keep the love of glitter at the forefront of my world. I love me some glitter.

OK, people, its back on. Death Valley is a half and I am going to run Austin as my first full barring the spraining of my ankle and another round of H1N1 - Jeez. What a month its been.

Letting Go of Stress

OMG! The kids slept two nights in row. Unbelievable. The Little Dog did get sick, but she settled down with enough patting and love and quietly slept on my legs.

I can feel my stress levels falling.

I have been giving myself a break. So here is the thing. Hell House.

So you all know Hell House was bad. The downstairs neighbor came and slept in our beds and when we called the landlady to intervene she retaliated by complaining about us having the kids bikes in front of the house, for using the backyard, etc. I am trying to move on so- I don't want to go into details. But here is the gist of it - the last 36 days we lived there- the landlady was there at least 34 of those days. Often times for hours and hours and hours at a time.

She invited the neighbors to use our stoop, the backyard, and to "repair" things.

They would talk about what bad tenants we were, call us names, and sit on the front and back stoops with her.

She also accused us of being responsible for the electrical problems in the illegal unit below ours - we never went down there. And then when the electrician told her that it was in no way our responsibility assigned plumbing issues in that same unit to us. And then again when that was ruled out- water damage to that unit's bathroom, etc. Eventually, she wanted us to pay for soundproofing. And on and on it went.

She contacted me, despite requests to not do so and to contact ZDad, between 5 and 7 times a day not including her daily and often twice daily visits. Even after we lawyered up and had council she continued to contact me directly despite it being illegal to do so. In short, it was a nightmare.

It also totally stressed me out. It all culminated in finding the front door unlocked after triple locking it one day. The level of harassment was ridiculous. Moving was suggested by the lawyer and cost and arm and a leg. We were totally broke and had to borrow money- debts I am working hard to repay.

All that said, its nice to be here in the Mermaid Manor and to have that legal stuff behind us. I got up early, and the Little Dog and I are peacefully drinking coffee (well, her water and me coffee) the good cat is purring at my side. There is no neighbor outside (one of them would be on the premises making noise by 7AM each morning) and I can quietly enjoy right now. In fact, I decided to not run this morning to enjoy the still and quiet.

Miscellaneous

The kids slept for the first time in five nights for more than 30-minutes at a time and somewhere other than my chest. They are past the super intense part of the H1N1 and now its just cruddy, cranky kids. I fed them cupcakes and we used glitter glue and markers to make pictures of the "mad" cat and daddy. It went well until Sarah decided to "do" Lala's face with Mr. Sketch's and Lala was overcome with the grape scent of the purple pen. Needless to say- there is ample evidence of the good times we shared.

I finally went running this morning - nothing spectacular but I got my increasing fat ass moving again and recommitted to training and eating better. I was burnt out there for awhile- 35-50 miles a week while working seven days a week, caring for the kids and undergoing epic stress was killing me. And it shows. My skin got super crappy, my hair fell out and I was having dreams about my kidneys failing due to stress. Part of this was due to the stressors of moving and unpacking, huge amounts of work, legal issues with Hell House, and just cumulative stress. I wasn't loving running and was getting injured. So, I did something I never ever do and bailed on my race because I just didn't feel like competing.

Sooooo... I backed off. I slept in, ate a lot of foods high in fat, and only ran about ten miles a week. The outcome- I can no longer see or feel my ribs or sternum, my clothes are tight, my skin is better, and I am not completely exhausted. I also physically feel less stressed out.

Of course, I am barely working right now. I have a couple of huge projects pending- but I took time off to care for the kids, work in my art journals, cook yummy winter foods (curry squash bisque, tomato pumpkin pasta, etc.), and to just be still.

I feel calmer and ready to jump back into my training. I am also ready to jump back on the weight loss band wagon. This time, I am going work more fat into my diet to see if I can keep what little hair I have left and to avoid getting ezcema and super dried out skin.

I am trying to be grateful that I can still wear my big size sixes and to realize this weight gain is temporary.

Scenes of the Sick

H1N1

The Commander and LaLa Bean got the diagnosis today.

Its apparently a deductive diagnosis based on their symptoms, how sick they are still, and duration. Needless to say, we were thrilled to hear that they are past the point of any real danger and will just be very sick little babies for a week or more longer. Lets face it, its no picnic having them flu-ridden and not sleeping, but it certainly beats having them be life-threateningly ill. I will take the nocturnal puking, hacking coughs, crying jags and waking every hour any day.

Anyway- jumping into work very late today. The clinic was utter mayhem- I felt terrible for the staff, but after three hours had to leave to return later for the 'scripts. Then I ran around getting potions and lotions and magical elmo slippers, princess sippy cups for pedi-o-lyte, and glitter glue for sick babies.

I snuggle with everyone and then made my way to work. Fingers crossed that I don't get it.

More Poop than Purses

So we are all ailing. Not that illness deters the machinations of the Commander and her trusty gal pal Lala Bean. Last night - I kid you not - I found them doing the following:

• Mattress on the floor
• Bed propped up against the wall vertically
• Climbing slats like a ladder
• The Commander tossing toys off the shelf above the window to the Bean
• The Commander coaching the Bean to climb the erstwhile ladder to pull stars of the ceiling

OMG people- they are only 37 and 20 months old. Should I be scared or what?

In other news- everyone is sick. I, naturally, had to work but for once not under deadline. Phew!

Tomorrow morning we head down to the pediatrician to see if the wee ones are H1N1 or otherwise miserable. I am pretty cavalier about the H1N1 for myself- I work in migrant health centers that have high rates of the virus- but I am less so when it comes to ma'babies. The kids feel crappy- not eating much, feverish, hacking coughs, lots of sobbing, and then they have the whole GI tract thing going on. Good times, good times.

This morning the plumbing went- don't even ask- I seriously hurled. It was that bad. So I had to go work with kid puke and sick on me. I dressed super sassy and spritzed up.

Speaking of which the kids found a bottle of my Chanel- for once the Bean definitively did not smell like a yak.

I knocked out a few reports today. Just figured out that one of my clients got $3.5M from my work last year with another $1M pending. Not bad for a woman who hasn't had a shower in 48 hours and has toddler snot on one of her Frye boots.

Things I Love - Itkupill

Beautiful artwork that has inspired me.

Since I have gone all Oprah on yal' - I thought I would start sharing some of my new favorite creative finds. I am in visual lust with the work of Itkupill who is a Finnish artist and designer, but lives in Los Angeles. Check out the amazing artwork and digital collage elements for sale here.
I am hilighting a few samples of this amazing artist's work. As you can see I availed myself of the free blog artwork and my visual facelift is due to the many talents of this ditigal artist. In fact, I lust after so many of the blog layouts it was hard to tear myself away.

I am so ready to dig into the images I purchased and start collaging away. I am also going to make some cunning mermaid dioramas. Come on over to the Mermaid Manor and join in for the next round of art work.

Plus, I am going to do the tutorials posted as well. I love photoshop and the past few years have had zero time- funny, right? Two new babies, a business, three moves, training for marathons- and no time?

Yesterday was a lost day- the internet went out, my phone died, the kids made off with the charger- so it was a communications blackout. I think it was probably the best thing as we were all sick with the flu. Now I want to heal up quickly so I can get my creating on before I am back on deadline.